Supermarket Musings
Since when did using a loudspeaker indoors become OK?
I imagine some very quiet little corner store where a grandmother is buying a loaf of bread. She is having a polite chat with the shopkeep when for whatever reason he decides he needs to contact the boy in the back room. Instead of going there he pulls out a loudspeaker and yells out “Gary, you are required at the checkout… Gary”.
It didn’t happen when grocery stores were small, surely. When did it start? Was it some revolutionary thing when the first store did it? Did we, the consumer, think it was cool to have harsh orders blared out across the entire supermarket while we carried out our shopping?
When the first store had it, did the shopkeepers hesitantly and shame-facedly whisper into the loudspeaker for a while, until it became “normal”? Or did they get a buzz that they had finally found a place in the world where they can yell amplified and crackly orders at a shy 14 year old, box-packer 20 metres away (the military wouldn’t have them, but by God, the supermarket is just as good!).
I heard an order broadcast today, one I’ve not heard often. I was examining the entire aisle of balsamic vinegars, wondering on whether the world really needed that many varieties, when “(some unintelligible alien-speak) express alert! Express Alert!”. What the? I looked around to see my fellow shoppers continue about their business as if nothing had happened.
Two checkout minions scurried past me towards the front of the store. A battalion of customers were waiting at the express checkouts – decisive action was required. Extra troops were deployed to additional checkouts, someone began encouraging customers to change aisles to neutralise the threat as quickly as possible. And there, in the middle of it all, stood The Manager. An 18-or-so year old, rapidly firing off orders to his staff, producing accompanying gestures faster than a machine gun eats a chain of bullets. Clutching his little radio microphone I see a determined glint in his eye as he raises it to his lips “Express Alert!”. I guess he didn’t get to do that very often, and he was enjoying it a lot.
I watched in fascination as his tactics bore fruit. Within 15 minutes the battlefield was once again quiet, strewn with the bodies of empty shoppings baskets, and the occasional littered docket. Weary emergency checkout staff began closing their checkouts and returning to their other tasks, and the basket collector came out to collect the dead.
The other customers remaining in the store were oblivious to the battle that had occurred. When The Manager breathed a sigh of relief and relinquished his radio mouthpiece with a satisfied smile, none were there to congratulate him. He surveyed the cleanup operations one last time and returned to his work as if nothing had happened.
Supermarket Managers – unsung heroes of today.
- Uncategorized
- Comments(0)